The Truth About Female Solo Travel
But men should read this too so they know what it's like...
I used to travel a lot with one of my best female friends. We had a pretty good rhythm, which included pretending to be in animated conversation with each other while passing annoying men who shouted at us from the street and always having a backup plan and copies of each other’s passports. Then I started traveling a lot alone, where I also got into a pretty good rhythm of letting someone at home know where I was, not walking alone at night most places, keeping drinking to a minimum, dressing more conservatively, researching and planning more (especially transportation) than I would have with a friend, and pretending to be on the phone while passing annoying men who shouted at me from the street. But then I started traveling with my boyfriend, and that rhythm fell out the window. No one shouted at me from the street, or stared too long, or walked alongside me trying to chat. Walking at night was suddenly safer. Without even noticing, I researched less and relaxed more. Welcome to traveling like a man.
The difference was striking on a trip to Mumbai last year. For the first half of the trip, Nathan and I wandered random streets without questioning if they were safe, ate at random food stalls and drank at random bars without being bothered, and were stared at as tourists but not in an uncomfortable way. Then he left. For the second half of the trip, I was approached dozens of times a day–sometimes in a creepy way, sometimes not. Instead of stares people took photos. When I said no, they laughed and took more. If I stopped for food, a crowd joined me. I stopped feeling comfortable out at night. I hadn’t felt invisible with Nathan (as two ultra pale Midwesterners we stand out almost everywhere), but I had felt more anonymous. Now, I felt like a zoo animal. It wasn’t all bad (we’ll get to that in a minute), but it was a much, much different experience.
Here’s the hard reality about traveling alone as a woman. It’s not as safe as traveling alone as a man, it can be uncomfortable, and you have to take a lot more into consideration than men do. A few years ago I read a Condé Nast Traveller essay about how to find the best bars in Buenos Aires. The author–a man traveling alone–started at a well regarded bar, then moved from bar to bar solely on bartender recommendations. He described getting lost in an alley around midnight, but eventually finding the recommended spot and moving to another around 2am. Asking bartenders for recommendations is great advice, but a woman simply could not follow this itinerary without fear. This is the world we live in. (I thought it was crazy CN Traveller didn’t address that at the time, and want to shout out Sebastian Modak, who did a great job throughout his 52 Places column acknowledging that he was able to do things a woman in his position would have had a much harder time with).
Of course, there are joys of traveling alone that outweigh the downsides. I think people are more likely to approach solo travelers in general, not only women. It’s less intimidating. When I travel alone I end up having great conversations with people and often joining them for experiences–from outdoor adventures to dining in their homes–that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’ve had eye opening conversations that have led to articles or friendships, sometimes both. Those things happen less frequently when traveling with someone else, because you’re usually not looking for company and don’t come off as open to talking. I love traveling alone and hope one day it can be as safe and easy for women as it is for men.
In the meantime, keep these tips in mind:
International Buddy System
Let people back home know where you’re going and set times to check in. If you have an itinerary, share it with your mom or a friend. Or if you’re active on social media, make a deal with friends that if they don’t see any activity from you for a set period of time they should call. You don’t have to do this every hour, but if you’re going out at night or somewhere you feel might be sketchy, it’s a good idea to let someone know, give them a time you’ll check in, and give them action steps if you don’t (calling your hotel, the embassy, etc.).
Dress More Conservatively
I know. I know. I hate that I’m writing this too, because of course you should be able to wear whatever and not be in danger. But the more modestly you dress, the less attention you’ll draw. It’s not like how you dress is going to stop someone who actually wants to harm you, but even harmless attention can be annoying and disconcerting. My go-to wandering outfit is jeans or linen pants and a Jungmaven t-shirt (these are so soft and fit so well even after a gazillion washes). Try to blend in when you can, which means researching typical clothing wherever you’re going. Which brings me to my next point…
Research, Research, Research + Confidence
The more you know about a place, the more comfortable you’ll feel and the more confidence you’ll project. And confidence is key! If you look like you’re comfortable somewhere and know what you’re doing/where you’re going, people are less likely to mess with you. (This isn’t just for safety–you’re also less likely to get ripped off). Know where you’re going, how much transport costs, a few key phrases (‘no, thank you’ goes a long way), the exchange rate, and other key things about your destination. The more you travel the more you can get away with showing up and winging it, but landing somewhere unfamiliar can be really disorienting so if you’re not used to that, as much research as possible will help.
Trust Your Instincts
They might not be right, but better safe than sorry. If you feel like something is off, trust your gut. Get out of the taxi, don’t stay at that hostel, walk away from a situation, etc. There’s a fine line between being nice and not offending someone, and protecting yourself. Women especially stay in situations because they don’t want to cross it. I really believe most people are inherently good and deserve the benefit of the doubt, and have been in *many* situations that have seemed uncomfortable but turned out totally fine (sometimes even great!) that prove that theory. But you have to trust yourself and do what you think is right, whether it’s “nice” or not. Be wary of strangers, but don’t be afraid of them.
Talk to Strangers
In what seems like a complete contradiction, talk to strangers! At your hotel, to your Airbnb host, to your servers and bartenders, tour guides, shop owners–everyone. The more people you meet, the more people there are looking out for you. You might also make friends who will show you things you never would have experienced on your own. Or, you’ll meet other travelers who want to do things with you, meaning you’re no longer solo traveling and things just got a lot safer. (I have to say though, often the creepiest people I’ve met while traveling alone are other travelers. Male readers: don’t be that guy!) Again, trust your instincts, but also trust the people who are opening up their homes/advice/lives to you.
Become an Early Bird
Like with clothing, I hate to say this, but going out at night alone is not as safe as going out during the day. Try to see everything you can before dark, and if you go out at night take taxis or use a ride sharing app. Don’t walk unless you know the city well and/or know it’s safe. If you want to experience the bar scene, try to make a friend to go with you.
Use Rideshare Apps
Uber, Lyft, Careem… Rideshare apps are great because you can program your location and don’t have to explain it in another language or worry about your taxi getting lost. Plus your ride is tracked, the drivers are rated, and there’s 24/7 support (including while you’re in the car).
Get an International Phone Pass
I have T-Mobile, which has unlimited data worldwide. Google Fi is another good option. Or, spring for the international pass with your carrier. This way you can use ride sharing apps and Google Maps, text your international buddy system contacts, call someone in an emergency, and do fun things like update your Insta stories.
Maybe one day women will stop being harassed everywhere they go, but until then just lookout for yourself. And remember that for every unpleasant experience there are at least 100 good ones. I’ve met so many friends, become much more confident in all areas of life, had some of my best ideas, and created thousands of wonderful memories because of traveling by myself.
More tips here, and I’d love to hear yours too.
Links I Love
Wikipedia Is the Last Best Place On the Internet
How to Understand (Almost) Everything On a Wine Label
(It’s been a busy week and I have 50+ tabs open to read, so more links next week…sorry!)
Recommendations
Eat: I’d been craving Bolani for weeks and finally found it at Nolu’s Cafe in Abu Dhabi. Very exciting! (Also would like to to make it, but last time my dough was way too thick–anyone have tips?)
Drink: Going through lots of ginger turmeric tea (with honey) lately, but as it’s officially the weekend here in the UAE, I’m currently sipping a Negroni.
Do: Read War Reporting for Cowards. (Published in 2005, but I just read it this week. Hilarious). Oh and Americans abroad: get your absentee ballots! Hopefully you’ve already done this, but if not some of you still have time.
